For the last few years, I've wondered if there is anything wrong with me when it comes to having friends. I can say that I've had two best friends in my life. My very first best friend was Marcy. We were six months apart in age, my mom and her parents went to high school together, so we were destined to be good friends. We did EVERYTHING together. During the summer, we would spend two or three days at her house, then we would be at my house for two or three days, and the cycle would continue. We were best friends until about the 3rd grade when she moved away. When I was in the 4th grade my 2nd best friend came into the picture. Rebekah and I had a lot of things in common and our personalities complimented each other well. Our friendship suffered a great deal when I moved here to California in 1991. The first summer I was here we talked on the phone once a week, and wrote often, but highschool and life took its toll, and we lost touch. We are still very good friends to this day. We talk about once every three months, but things have change for us: (a) we live 3000 miles apart - she still lives in Pittsburgh, and I in San Jose, and (b) she's made some decisions in her life that I do not agree with, and she knows that, but she also knows that I love her dearly, and if she needed me, I'd move hell or high water to help her. So basically for the past 16 years, I've been without a best girlfriend - you know the one that's not in your family, who you can share your deepest darkest secrets to, and just hang out and be girls with. I have my husband, and he is my ultimate best friend, and my sister, and let me tell you for us being 8 years apart, she's AMAZING but I'm longing for that special girlfriend.
There have been a few friendships since then that have come and gone. A few of which I am sad that they ended. I miss my friend Kristin. We participated in drama productions together, and were close for “a season” but we lost touch after my senior year, and her junior year of high school. We’ve reconnected through facebook, and I am glad that she’s doing well with her husband and adorable son. I hope that some day, I can see her. There’s one friendship that I wish that I had true closure on – my friendship with Sabreena. There’s a lot of history that I can go into depth about, but I don’t know if it’s necessary. For whatever reason, our true friendship was short lived. When I met her, I thought that we would be friends for ever, but that never happened. I have a feeling that this friendship – or lack thereof has had a profound effect on me. I don’t want to put myself out there to be hurt. I’ve tried to be a good friend to several people, but because of the relationship with Sabreena, It’s been hard for me. I have no idea why. I wonder if it’s because as a child through my twenties I always had people around me. I was at church, and friends just kinda happened. But when my dad left pasturing in 2002, the “instant” friends thing kinda vanished. I have a feeling that this lack of good girl friends is a generational thing. I learned that my grandmother didn’t have a best girlfriend and neither does my mom. I am determined to break the cycle. I want to have that kind of girlfriend relationship just because, and I have a feeling that I might have found it. It will take some work on my part, and I am determed to make it work. Not just because our husbands are friends, and our kids are close in age, but because she's a really awesome mom. The main reason that I need to learn how to be a good friend is that I have a little girl who needs to not follow in the footsteps of her mom, grandmother, and great grandmother. I want to teach her how to be a good friend, and be there for her when friends let her down. I want her to have best friends, and tons of them. More than she can count. I want to run her around to this friend’s house and that friend’s party. I want the best for her.
There have been a few friendships since then that have come and gone. A few of which I am sad that they ended. I miss my friend Kristin. We participated in drama productions together, and were close for “a season” but we lost touch after my senior year, and her junior year of high school. We’ve reconnected through facebook, and I am glad that she’s doing well with her husband and adorable son. I hope that some day, I can see her. There’s one friendship that I wish that I had true closure on – my friendship with Sabreena. There’s a lot of history that I can go into depth about, but I don’t know if it’s necessary. For whatever reason, our true friendship was short lived. When I met her, I thought that we would be friends for ever, but that never happened. I have a feeling that this friendship – or lack thereof has had a profound effect on me. I don’t want to put myself out there to be hurt. I’ve tried to be a good friend to several people, but because of the relationship with Sabreena, It’s been hard for me. I have no idea why. I wonder if it’s because as a child through my twenties I always had people around me. I was at church, and friends just kinda happened. But when my dad left pasturing in 2002, the “instant” friends thing kinda vanished. I have a feeling that this lack of good girl friends is a generational thing. I learned that my grandmother didn’t have a best girlfriend and neither does my mom. I am determined to break the cycle. I want to have that kind of girlfriend relationship just because, and I have a feeling that I might have found it. It will take some work on my part, and I am determed to make it work. Not just because our husbands are friends, and our kids are close in age, but because she's a really awesome mom. The main reason that I need to learn how to be a good friend is that I have a little girl who needs to not follow in the footsteps of her mom, grandmother, and great grandmother. I want to teach her how to be a good friend, and be there for her when friends let her down. I want her to have best friends, and tons of them. More than she can count. I want to run her around to this friend’s house and that friend’s party. I want the best for her.
JRM
